I Majorly Effed Up

First of all, I invite you to judge me for waking up at 12:30pm in the afternoon. I worked a twelve hour shift yesterday on a film set, and hey, might as well sleep in the next day right?

This small decision would become my downfall.

My phone rang. Unknown number. I rolled over in bed and picked up. Someone with a British accent begins talking to me. Now, I only know a few people with an actual British accent. Most of my community is Asian, and there ain’t too many Asian Brits out there.

He tells me his name. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Steven. Not that I could clearly understand him, due to having woken up a few minutes prior. Due to my drunken sleep state, I assume this is a friend prank calling me. It’s happened before.

“Steve,” I reply in my terrible imitation British accent, “who is this Steve?”

“My name is Steve. I’m a friend of May.”

I can’t understand that last name.

“May? Who is this May?” I say. At this point, I’m laughing to myself and trying to figure out what’s going on.

“Not May,” he clarifies. Then he says the name again and I finally understand him through the British accent.

This isn’t a prank. It’s an actual British person with an actual British accent.

And he’s calling on behalf on my friend who’s trying to help me look for a job.


I immediately switch back to my normal talking voice. We talk for about five minutes, where he gives me a bunch of possible places to apply. Really nice guy. I apologize for mocking his accent several times.

I think you, the reader, needs to know how bad my British accent is. It’s not even a British accent. If I were to say, “It kind of sounds like this” I would go “EIT KAHN DA SEWNDS LAHK DIS.”

Lord, help me.

I’m going to apply to the places he recommended. Maybe something good will come out of my biggest faux pas of the year.