Who Da Heck Am I?

Have you ever watched yourself on camera and think, “I don’t recognize that person?”

I’m probably more self-conscious that I’d like to admit. I’m constantly critiquing myself, but never actually taking the time to understand who I am.

Christian. Asian. Filmmaker. Some broad words that I identify with. But I want to dig deeper.

Why is it important to know myself? Because then I can identify days where I don’t feel like so. Some days I feel grumpy. Anti-social. Mean. But am I a grumpy, anti-social, mean person? Geez, I hope not.

I know it’s not a simple task. Humans are constantly evolving creatures. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, and I shouldn’t be. The goal is to evolve into a better, more caring, more loving person every day. And that can only happen if I know who I am, being able to identify my strengths and weaknesses. Flaws and everything. Like they say, knowing is half the battle.

Gosh, where to start?

To say I don’t have any flaws would be a flaw itself. Let’s start there.

I can be extremely selfish sometimes. I have an unhealthy mentality that I need to surround myself with the “best” people in order to become the best person. There’s some truth in that, but I’ve taken it to an extreme. Yes, I should surround myself with people that build me up, not tear me down. But if I intentionally push away people who I don’t deem good enough, then I’m missing an opportunity to practice unconditional love. After all, it’s easy to love lovable people, right?

I can be unaware of the needs of the people around me. This stems from my selfishness. Don’t really have time to think of others if I’m constantly thinking about myself. I want to be the main character so badly that I won’t prioritize others, even close friends and family. Again, selfishness. I need to stop, pause, and listen sometimes. Everyone’s going through something at some point in their lives. I get to choose whether I want to invest in their situation or ignore it.

Laziness is another huge issue with me. I’ll have one or two productive days, then I’ll sleep ’til noon for a week. Okay, it’s not that bad. Or is it…and I’m just not aware? (Great. Now I’m second-guessing everything) A random Facebook friend messaged me recently, telling me how he admired my productivity and hustle. Ha. I’ll admit, I have a few shiny trophies on my resume that make me look good. Heck, I self-published my own novel. No small feat there. But it’s not just laziness. It’s good time management. Sure, I can get a lot of things done, but if everything’s finished at five in the morning, then I’m not very efficient, am I?

Okay, let’s do three flaws and three strengths. The problem is that I see my flaws as “more defined” than my strengths. Like I’m a nice person “some” of the time. But I’m definitely a selfish person. See? That needs to change. Anyhow, let’s try to define my strengths.

I’ve never thought about this too much before, but I believe I’m an extremely patient person. It takes a lot to make me mad. Even when people try to antagonize me, which doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I’m usually diplomatic and peaceful. Logical. Understanding. It’s easy for me to see other people’s point of view. I can’t think of a point in my life when I was “out of control.” It helps when I’m in a leadership position. I don’t lose my cool. I’m emotionally responsible.

I also believe I’m a caring person. Some of the most fulfilling moments in my life was when I was able to mentor and encourage others. VBS. Mosaic. Jubilee Project Fellowship. Those are three big areas in my life where I was able to truly invest in others and not just in The Josh Project. Honestly, I love teaching. I love seeing people grow. If the words I say or the things I do can encourage someone and lift them up, that’s a success in my book.

That leads to my final strength of the night. I believe I’m good at encouraging people. Speaking truth into their lives. I’m able to look a person in the eyes and say “I see this strength within you and it’s amazing. Even if you don’t see it yourself.” I can remind people that they’re loved. So many people in my life have loved and invested in me. It’s only right I give back.

Cool. That wasn’t too bad. I think I understand myself a little bit more. For those of you at home reading this right now, I don’t know what you got from that, if anything. Maybe it’s time to think about three flaws and strengths of your own. Idk.

This was fun. Now it’s time to do laundry.

Josh out.

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