I usually don’t write about things like this, but I have some strong feelings I need to unleash. See, I was a faithful Android user for years. My first smartphone: Samsung Galaxy S4. I loved it.
After I had dropped it multiple times and purchased the spider-web design on my home screen, I upgraded to the S6. Made sense. Nothing particularly new.
I must’ve bought at least ten different chargers for this thing. The battery would die twice a day after only two years of use. Texting was a major pain in the crack so I rarely texted, preferring Facebook messenger instead.
When looking for a new phone, I considered getting a Google Pixel. It was like finding a person who resembles your ex and being attracted to them. However, to quote Breaking Bad, I was done with half measures.
I bought an iPhone X.
The lights came on. I experienced a revelation second only to my faith in Jesus Christ. I had a phone that actually….worked?
Now that I’ve owned an iPhone for about a month and clearly a leading expert in this field of study, here are three objective, undeniable reasons based on empirical data why iPhones are the best smartphones in the world.
Number one, the app store. Let’s face it, phones are unnecessarily advanced nowadays. I don’t need my phone to fly me to the moon, I just want to make calls, text, take photos, and use apps. Every phone, even the cursed Android, is great at these tasks. We can get into the minutiae about which camera has more megapixels, but honestly who gives a flying funky monkey.
What iPhone has over Android, and will always have over Android, is that every app is made for iPhone.
Maybe a tiny percent of apps are made for the ‘droid. Tiny. But it’s indisputable that all apps are designed for iPhone, then ported to Android.
Because of this iPhone will always get the first updates, have priority when it comes to debugging, and access to a greater variety. A good example is Instagram. Often on my Android, Instagram updates would come months after everyone with an iPhone was already tired of the new features.
Let’s take a moment to analyze why I’m so built up about this. Are phones really that important? Does any of this really matter? When I’m on my deathbed, will I remember fondly how I wrote a lengthy blog post telling everyone something they already know? The answer is, of course, yes.
Here’s an easy plus: the software and hardware for iPhones are manufactured by the same company. This is why I briefly considered the Google Pixel; however, Apple’s been in the smartphone game for far longer…heck, they began the smartphone game…so I decided on the tried and true.
One of my biggest irks with Android were uninstallable third-party apps. This drove me up the wazoo, especially an app called Peel Smart Remote. I couldn’t uninstall this thing. I talked to Verizon about it; apparently Android made a deal with this company to throw this app onto all their phones.
It made using an Android comparable to the third level of phone hell.
It had ads I had to pay to remove (I didn’t). Every time I uninstalled it, it would reinstall within a few hours. It filled my home screen, making me feel like I was holding an portable ad, not my personal smartphone. I don’t know who in Samsung thought this was a good idea but gee golly, some days I wanted to smash my phone with a hammer.
Number three, Apple’s simple, intuitive designs make it the easiest smartphone to use. I don’t need to feel like a computer hacker every time I make a phone call, I just want to use my phone. When you have to google how to use your own phone, you know someone on the design team seriously forked up.
That’s pretty much it. I’ve been telling Jenine I would write a blog post about my new phone for a while, so here it is. I can finally move on with my life and talk about other things I’m passionate about, like how every Harry Potter movie directed by David Yates is utter trash.